August 2008
13 posts
Bad News
Although they’re great at maintaining Excel spreadsheets, tackling bi-coastal conference calls and have L.A. Clippers season tickets, Gilda, Jane, Trevor and Manny don’t really bring anything else to the table aside from their smell and terrible attitudes. Effective immediately, they’ve been let go from The Wizard’s Ridge staff. We wish them the absolute worst of luck and pray they can finally...
Cops: 1, Snakes: 0 →
INTERNET DATING SUCCESS STORY #1
Mom and Dad,
I know what you’re thinking. “She’s perfect.” And she is. Christina is by far the smartest and sexiest girl I’ve yet to meet on eHarmony. I don’t want to jinx it but I really think this one’s built to last. It’s just nice to finally have someone to smoke Winstons with while we listen to Molly Hatchet. I feel like she’s one of...
INFESTATION
Jesus christ, Monica. Call the goddamn exterminator. We’ve got a big problem here. Look at ‘em all. They must have come in through that crack in the drywall behind our dresser. No I don’t know why they’re here. Probably food. They must have been after that burger you brought home from Wendy’s and left on the counter. Now look what we got, Monica! The biggest fucking...
“When they doubt your dream, when they tell you it’s impossible, when they...”
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- Neil Armstrong
MANHUNT
Jerry could feel the napalm heating his back and quickened his pace. Fire, death, screaming children, machine gun fire and all the horrors of war streaked by him in horrible flashes as he took a hard left into the jungle, down one of the roads the natives called “Ta Mo Si.” His wife, Miss Pawz, was barely holding on.
Being on the run from the death squads was not where Jerry saw...